What to Do If Your Child Is Asked to Leave Daycare or Preschool

If your child has been suspended or expelled from daycare or preschool, you are not alone, and it is not a sign that you are failing as a parent. This happens far more often than most families realize, and it happens disproportionately to young children with disabilities, including autism, ADHD, and other developmental differences.

This is a real and documented problem, not a rare exception

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics and Yale University’s Child Study Center shows that preschoolers are expelled at roughly three times the rate of children in kindergarten through 12th grade. Boys are expelled about four to five times more often than girls. Children with developmental delays or disabilities, including autism, are at significantly higher risk, often because behaviors connected to communication differences, sensory needs, or emotional regulation are misread as defiance.

Being removed from care also has real consequences. Children who are expelled from preschool lose access to peers, routines, and the adults who were helping them grow. Families often face sudden childcare gaps, lost wages, and added stress. None of this reflects something wrong with your child. It reflects a mismatch between what your child needed and what that setting was able to provide in that moment.

Why this happens

Behaviors that lead to suspension or expulsion, hitting, biting, running away, screaming, throwing things, are almost always a child’s way of communicating distress, overwhelm, or an unmet need. Programs with large class sizes, high child-to-staff ratios, or limited access to mental health consultation are more likely to ask a child to leave rather than work through the behavior. This is a program-capacity problem as much as it is anything about your child.

What you can do right now

Ask for the program’s written policy. Programs that receive any state or federal funding are generally expected to have a written policy on suspension and expulsion. Ask to see it, and ask what steps were taken before this decision was made.

Ask whether your child has a qualifying disability. If your child has a diagnosis, or behaviors connected to a developmental difference, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) prohibits discrimination in childcare and preschool settings based on disability, including in decisions about enrollment and discipline. This applies even in private, for-profit programs.

Request a reasonable modification. Under the ADA, you can formally ask the program to make reasonable changes, such as additional staff support, a modified schedule, or a behavior plan, before removal happens. Put this request in writing.

Ask about an evaluation. If your child is under 3, contact your county’s Early Intervention program. If your child is 3 or older but not yet kindergarten-eligible, contact your local Intermediate Unit. In Pennsylvania, an evaluation must generally be completed within 45 calendar days (under age 3) or 60 calendar days (age 3 and older) of your consent. An evaluation can open the door to services and supports, whether or not your child stays in the current program.

Document everything. Keep a written record of incidents, meetings, and conversations, including dates and who was present. This matters if you need to advocate further or if you pursue services elsewhere.

Finding a new placement

If a transition to a new program is the right next step, start looking right away, since availability can take time. When you talk to a new provider, ask directly how they support children with challenging behaviors, whether they have access to mental health consultation, and what their own suspension and expulsion policy looks like. A program’s honest answer to that question tells you a great deal about how they will treat your child.

A note on what this is not

Being asked to leave a program is not a verdict on your child’s future. Research is clear that with the right support, identified early, children who struggled in one setting go on to thrive in a setting built for how they actually function. The goal is finding the right fit and the right support, not a “better behaved” version of your child.

Key words to know

ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act): Federal law that protects people with disabilities from discrimination, including in childcare and preschool settings.

Reasonable modification: A change to policy or practice that a program is asked to make to support a child with a disability.

Early Intervention: Evaluation and support services for children under 3 with developmental concerns.

Mental health consultation: Support provided to early childhood staff by a mental health professional to help them respond to challenging behavior without resorting to suspension or expulsion.